


Illusion

by kumo_is_kumo, NoHappyEnding



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, NHE Round 3, nhe, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-18 01:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17572145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kumo_is_kumo/pseuds/kumo_is_kumo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding
Summary: Freedom was what Chanyeol wanted, yet sleepless nights and hollowness is what he really gets after pushing away his only happiness.





	Illusion

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt #:** 142  
>  **Prompt:** After breaking up from a forced marriage, Chanyeol thought he would become happier. But if his sleepless nights and a constant hollowness in his chest is any indication, Baekhyun in fact was his happiness.  
>  **Prompter:** [sash4kyu](https://twitter.com/sash4kyu)  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** Baekhyun/Chanyeol  
>  **Word count:** 10.6K  
>  **Author's note:** Hello, prompter! I hope this fills the need for angst for you! I’m doing my best for this fic and I really wish that this story will bring you the greatest angst feeling ever. Thanks for the great prompt! Also thanks to the mods for yet another round! Special thanks to my beta L for the constant help and support! The L in her name stands for Love, so I love you! Enjoy, everyone!

_ “Just a year, Chanyeol. Just one year and then we can have the divorcement papers ready.” _

Chanyeol remembers those words very clearly, as if those were spoken to him just a day before.

It’s just like a line spoken out of a drama script, something along of things that usually don’t go out well. Or worse, ended in a sad way.

He doesn’t think that much about agreeing to the offer. He also doesn’t think that far when he showed his opposition against the marriage he is assigned to.

It’s already a modern day; technology spreading fast like wildfire and freedom becoming the number one rule in this world.

So then please enlighten him: how does an arranged marriage still happen this day?

Have you ever wondered how it feels being in a marriage, but it’s an arranged one? Have you always thought that being in an arranged marriage would end up like the stories or fairytales of sorts, where the main characters would end up falling in love and live happily ever after?

Wrong. You get it all wrong.

Being in an arranged marriage is a nightmare, it’s the worse choice of life and you would wish to not agree to that decision ever.

Their parents are good friends indeed; theirs as in Chanyeol’s and his… husband’s.

Byun Baekhyun is his name and they are no more than a usual colleague in work. Their parents come long ago ever since they had become good friends, attending school and college together, building their own company in the same business line, and they just keep their relationship good and stable.

They are not the best of friends, and they are not enemies either. They just mind their own business. Or so what Chanyeol thinks.

He knows someone who goes with the name of Byun Baekhyun, he knows the existence of the Byuns family, and he knows how good of friends they are to his own family. What he doesn’t know is that what his parents and the Byuns are actually planning for his future.

Unexpectedly, the plan that involves him and his future also involves the Byun’s only son.

In that one windy noon, Chanyeol is seated in the private reserved area in the family diner they usually go to. He finds himself being clueless, completely sharing the same confusion and curiosity with the Byun’s son.

It’s like a bomb being dropped to them; the news of them going to be wedded to one another.

As a normal single being, Chanyeol opposes. He opposes, of course, he won’t let his own parents take away the only freedom he has. He wants to choose someone he wants to spend his life with, not by the silly promise of old people just to maintain the good relation between them.

Something that is out of ordinary is that the fact that the Byun’s son is seated silently on his chair.

Chanyeol would be thinking that the Byun’s son would join him in opposing this plan of marriage but he doesn’t expect the guy to be seated like that without saying anything. It’s like he accepts how his own parents are ruling his life.

His parents are angry when he starts saying bad things about this marriage plan. They say he doesn’t know anything, but it’s actually them who don’t even know anything! They don’t know how they are taking away his freedom to love, to choose the person who he deems to fit staying by his side. He barely knows the guy, and now they want him to be married to him? Fucking no.

“Chanyeol.” The guy, Baekhyun, calls his name when their parents decide to leave them alone, so they can talk about this.

In his anger, clouded with nothing but resentment towards this plan, Chanyeol glares at the guy who is trying to be civil with him. The guy is frowning, as if he is thinking so hard.

“This marriage, can we just- just follow through it?”

What the hell is this guy talking about?

“Are you crazy?” Chanyeol snaps at him, groaning.

Baekhyun sighs, “I think I am.” He mumbles softly, before continuing, “Please listen to me. Let’s keep this plan, for the sake of our parents’ wish.”

“What about my sake? What about yours? Ours?!”

“My dad,” Baekhyun cuts him off with a silent tone, “my dad doesn’t have that much time left.” He mutters sadly, gulping. Chanyeol stops trying to burst out fire after hearing those words.

“The longest he might get is a year.”

Chanyeol is actually not sure what to say. It’s sad, of course, he knows Mr. Byun like his uncle, so to think that the man only has such a short time to live saddens him. Even Chanyeol who is no one to the man is feeling sad, what about the real son of the man.

“I beg you, please just- please help me to give in for this only wish. Just one year, Chanyeol. Just one year and then we can have the divorcement papers ready.”

That’s his promise to Chanyeol. The look in his eyes is so sorrowful and Chanyeol doesn’t have the heart to reject him. It’s some kind like a pity towards the guy.

In the end, he agrees to the proposal.

Imagine how happy his parents are. He keeps his eyes on Baekhyun who is staring at his own father with expectant eyes, almost seeking for the happy expression the old man would show and true enough, the old man reaches forward to hug his son.

Chanyeol doesn’t have the heart to break that bond.

It’s not that he hates the Byuns. He just doesn’t like the idea of being in a relationship when he can be free, moreover to be tied down to someone else. And the worst part, it’s someone who is not his choice.

He wants to search for the right person, go around the world and enjoy the different culture, seeing different points of view, and then finally meet that special someone who could make his heart flutter in love.

In love. Not being arranged.

Not being married to a guy he barely knows, just so their parents would be happy, just so this good relationship between two families would still be there.

Chanyeol holds back a sigh when he slips the ring onto Baekhyun’s finger.

The time of him being single is slowly running out. In no more than a few more minutes, he would be deemed as a married man. To a stranger someone.

Baekhyun gives him a shaky, nervous smile. Chanyeol doesn’t know what he is being nervous about for, but the guy is shaking when he puts the wedding ring onto Chanyeol’s finger.

The priest announces them as a married pair, their parents and the guests clap in congratulation, and Chanyeol leans down to kiss Baekhyun on his cheek.

Once again, just an act to make their parents happy. Nothing less, nothing more.

They have to live in the same house, courtesy of Baekhyun’s father who bought the new house for the two of them so they can be the ideal married couple. Chanyeol can’t even find himself faking a smile because of how irritated he is with how these old people are trying to rule his life, but when he hears the small coughs coming from his now father in law, he can’t help it from worrying over the old man.

It doesn’t feel like a house for a married pair. It feels like they are sharing the house as housemates, sharing the same breathing space and greeting one another with an awkward wave of hi. Chanyeol doesn’t know how to erase this awkward atmosphere for the first week of them being married to one another.

It always starts with that awkward breakfast. Chanyeol wakes up with the smell of melted butter and he can guess that it might be from the pancakes. He doesn’t know why his now husband is even trying to make an effort to make this… work, when it was him who said that they wouldn’t be anything close to a romantic pair and all.

“Good morning.” Baekhyun gives him an awkward greeting, an awkward nod of his head and then he resumes to his activity in front of the stove. Nothing tops the awkward silence in their kitchen as Chanyeol soundlessly makes his way to the counter to pour himself a cup of coffee.

“Do you… have work today?” He hears Baekhyun asking the obvious and Chanyeol is this close from rolling his eyes at the ridiculous question, but he holds himself back because that would be utterly rude to his new husband.

“Yeah, of course.” He mutters, sipping onto his black coffee without really caring that it actually burns his tongue. Anything to keep his attention away from this stifling awkwardness.

“I see.” Baekhyun flips the last piece of pancake and then he is giving him a plateful of those fluffy meal. Chanyeol brings his gaze up from the plate to the one holding onto it, finding that same awkward smile gracing Baekhyun’s pale face.

“Your breakfast. If- I mean, if you want it.”

Chanyeol might be not the kindest person out there, but he can’t really ignore someone who has so kindly offered him breakfast, thinking that he would be hungry if he doesn’t have breakfast this morning. So he accepts, giving the slightest smile to his husband to show how he is actually grateful for his care.

“Thanks.” He says lowly, accidentally brushing his thumb over Baekhyun’s knuckles and he notices the quick flinch coming from Baekhyun and how the other is trying to hide it almost immediately. Chanyeol is pretending not to see it and he makes his way to the table to eat his breakfast, and to quickly escape this house, finding this whole thing to be so absurd.

Baekhyun doesn’t say anything for a short while, but then he joins Chanyeol at the table, silently munching onto his own portion of pancakes. Chanyeol takes out his phone, ignoring how rude it is to actually play with his phone at the table but he just needs something to distract himself. 

Actually, Baekhyun seems unable to take this deafening silence between them because he starts munching pretty quickly and then he rises up from his seat to dump the plate into the sink, escaping immediately to his bedroom. Chanyeol shrugs and finally enjoys his alone time.

He hears a quick and muffled ‘see you’ when Baekhyun walks past him, shutting the door close behind his back and then there is a sound of his car rumbling alive. Soon enough, the car is out of the driveway and Chanyeol heaves out a sigh that he doesn’t even realize he was holding in.

This is so awkward and he doesn’t know whether he can take this any longer.

 

Night time comes faster, much to the distaste of Chanyeol, as he is now back to being stuck once again with his ‘housemate’. He is seated in the living room, flicking through channels to find something interesting to watch, while there are some tinkling noises of Baekhyun doing the dishes from this early morning.

He should have started a conversation at least, to kill the awkwardness, but he can’t find it in himself to do it. He doesn’t care though, but he can’t help feeling kind of guilty for not trying to be, at least, civil towards Baekhyun. This marriage is not Baekhyun’s fault so he shouldn’t even get mad at the other.

Baekhyun is in the same state as him. The both of them are trapped in this unfair life and being wedded to one another without their consent, but for all the wrong reasons, Chanyeol finds himself blaming Baekhyun over and over again about this. 

Frowning at the thought in his head, he misses how Baekhyun is actually calling for his name.

His head snaps to the direction of where Baekhyun is standing, staring at him with wide eyes at his sudden movement and the frown on his face.

“What?” Chanyeol blurts out, not meaning to make it sound that harsh but it happened already so oh well.

Baekhyun instinctively takes a small step back. “I- I’m asking if you want a cup of warm tea?”

Chanyeol bites the inside of his cheek and ponders whether he should apologize for accidentally snapping at him, but he decides not to. 

“No thanks.” He answers simply, darting his eyes back to the boring night news he wasn’t even actually watch.

Baekhyun parts his mouth to say something else; Chanyeol can see the small movement through the corner of his eye, but then he notices Baekhyun giving him an understanding nod.

“Okay.”

Chanyeol thinks he might leave it there, but no, Baekhyun continues with the softest greeting of, “Good night, Chanyeol.”

As soon as his husband disappears behind the wall, he thumps his head back to the couch headrest, feeling so bad for treating Baekhyun that way.

 

“Chanyeol,” 

Lifting his head up from his phone, Chanyeol finds his two months husband approaching him with silent steps.

“You done?” He asks, rising up from the couch and stuffing his phone back into his pocket. Baekhyun gives him a nod.

“Let’s go.”

The evening is still young as they drive in Chanyeol’s car, heading to a private restaurant they have their names reserved in the guest list. 

Their parents demanded a family dinner. He didn’t know how to refuse it, but Baekhyun had pleaded  to him to entertain their parents. ‘ _ Please _ ’ was the word Baekhyun had uttered softly, sounding so broken and helpless that Chanyeol instantly agreed with a loud sigh.

There is no word shared between the two of them. Chanyeol leisurely grips onto the steering wheel while driving his car, sometimes stealing some glances to Baekhyun who is looking straight out to the road. The silence is stifling, almost choking Chanyeol with how awkward it is, but he can’t do nothing about it.

The weird thing is that Baekhyun told him that they should at least make it work between the two of them, but now the other guy is actually the one ignoring him. The thought itself makes Chanyeol frown because he doesn’t like being ignored, moreover because of the reason that he doesn’t understand of.

“Do we,” he starts softly, his voice cracking with how long he has been in silent, not used to this situation at all. Baekhyun glances to him, waiting silently for the continuation of his words.

Chanyeol clears his throat, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Do we need to keep up some acts in front of our parents?”

Funny that it’s him who is actually asking about it.

Baekhyun keeps his gaze on him for quite sometime and Chanyeol starts to feel weirded out from the stare, until the other guy finally says something about it.

“Just… being good to each other is enough. I think.” Baekhyun answers silently, giving a tiny shrug. Chanyeol nods his head in understanding, sure, yeah, he can do that.

The restaurant is seen and soon enough, Chanyeol parks his car in a parking spot. He heaves a soft sigh while glancing at his husband seated beside him.

“You ready?” He blurts out, waiting for Baekhyun’s reaction.

“Yeah.” The other answers after a while and then he goes to get out of the car. They stand in front of the restaurant door for a while to ready their mental and whatever it is.

Chanyeol instinctively tugs an elbow out, silently offering it to Baekhyun who in turn is looking pretty shocked at his silent suggestion. 

“To make everything look realer.” Chanyeol reasons out, shrugging to show that he doesn’t care about this at all, so if Baekhyun doesn’t want to take his elbow then it’s okay-

Baekhyun’s slender fingers gently creep to the crook of his elbow and they rest there, giving Chanyeol’s arm a gentle squeeze as if he is saying thank you. Chanyeol heaves his fingers higher to make them cling more to him, to make it look  _ real _ before gently tugging Baekhyun into the restaurant.

Here goes nothing.

 

Chanyeol sips onto his wine, listening to how his mother is chatting with Baekhyun in hushed whispers. It’s not like he wants to know what it’s about but he just doesn’t want his mother to spill those horrendous stories of his childhood to his husband-

Wait. why would he care? It’s only a mere act between them.

“Chanyeol.” Someone tugs on his arm and he instantly reacts, finding his father in law staring at him with a gentle smile, and once again, he finds his heart wrenching in pain at the thought of this kind old man dying.

“Yes, uncle- I mean, father?” He corrects himself, being reminded that he is now  _ married  _ to the man’s son.

“How’s your work going? Is it good?”

“Yes, I’m doing good with work. Thanks for asking.” It’s awkward; his answer is so awkward and it’s not something that a son in law is supposed to say to his father in law. It feels like this conversation is so business oriented and Chanyeol actually frowns at that. This is supposed to be a family meeting, but he and Baekhyun barely talk to one another.

“Is that so? It’s good to know that your work is going well.” His father in law nods wisely while a proud smile graces his whole old face. Chanyeol’s tensed shoulder loosens a bit at the welcoming tone coming from the old man.

“Is Baekhyun being good to you?” There goes the expected question. It was already something that he saw will be coming, but Chanyeol still finds himself tongue tied at that.

“He… He is being too good to me.”  _ It’s true. He made me breakfast every morning when all I did was to pay no attention to him. _

“Please take care of Baekhyun. He is actually a crybaby, but he never wants to cry in front of me or anyone else.”

Chanyeol frowns. Why would he tell him all these?

“You are his husband, Chanyeol.”

Oh, right.

“I can only count on you to take care of my son, just as much as I’m hoping he will take care of you.”

Chanyeol gulps, “Yes… father.”

The old man pats him on his shoulder before going back to chat with his own father, talking about something that Chanyeol is not entirely interested in. 

He glances to his side, finding Baekhyun stirring the ice cubes until they clink against the glass repeatedly. Their fathers are talking to one another, and so are their mothers, so it leaves the two of them alone without any partner to talk to.

Chanyeol reflexively leans closer, whispering to Baekhyun’s ear about, “Hey,”

Baekhyun gazes up to him.

Chanyeol unconsciously puts a hand over Baekhyun’s knee. “Shouldn’t we act more like… lovey dovey or what? To convince everyone that we are actually doing good?”

Saying those words out of his mouth is becoming a silent admittance that they are indeed not doing good and Chanyeol feels a bitter taste on his tongue.

Baekhyun is silent for quite a few seconds before then he whispers the softest, “Okay.” And he drags his chair a bit towards Chanyeol’s. 

Chanyeol blinks in surprise at the impromptu act that Baekhyun does. He finds his husband leaning his head down to his shoulder, relaxing against his side without really caring about the whole world.

They say nothing and Chanyeol pretends that he is no affected by this, so he picks onto some small cuts of fruits to eat and to divert his mind somewhere else, and not on how heavy and how warm Baekhyun’s head is on his shoulder, or how good Baekhyun’s hair smells.

By the end of the dinner, it’s obvious that their parents have noticed the closeness between the two of them, judging from their knowing smile.

And for once, Chanyeol is okay with that.

 

When Chanyeol is driving back home, he finds himself stealing some glances to where Baekhyun is seated in the passenger seat, being noiseless. The dinner was a rather successful event, with the pleased and happy smile plastered all over their parents’ face. If that was not a proof that they did a good job, then Chanyeol doesn’t know anymore.

But seeing Baekhyun staying soundlessly like that, Chanyeol begins to have doubts fill all over his head. There is something that’s been hanging on the tip of his tongue, something unspoken that Chanyeol’s been dying to tell to his husband.

“Hey?” He calls out hesitantly, almost afraid that Baekhyun wouldn’t actually answer him.

Luckily, Baekhyun glances to him questioningly and for one second, Chanyeol is left speechless at how pretty the night lights are reflected in Baekhyun’s eyes.

“The dinner today,” Chanyeol mutters after he gains himself back, “it was a nice one. Good job.”

If Baekhyun is expecting him to say something else than this, he doesn’t say anything about it.

“I’m thinking about something,” he continues again when Baekhyun doesn’t say anything, “let’s- let’s make this work.”

Something changes in Baekhyun’s eyes and Chanyeol finds himself gripping tighter onto the steering wheel when his husband looks very much more interested in this topic than before.

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asks.

“We can make this work, right? This whole relationship of us. I mean, let’s be friends.” 

Something else then flashes all over Baekhyun’s face and Chanyeol feels kinda bad for saying those words for the reason that he doesn’t understand, but then before he can ponder over it, Baekhyun gives him a soft nod.

“Sure. Let’s do that.”

“You are okay with that? What I mean with being friends is that we are… okay around each other. No more awkwardness, and we just… deal with one another. What do you think?”

“Yeah, I understand.” Baekhyun gives him a firmer nod this time and Chanyeol doesn’t know why he is feeling so wary about this when it’s clearly him who brings this up.

“And when we have family gathering like today, we are acting okay like they think we would be. You are okay with that? You are okay with having to put an act in front of your parents, acting as if you are in love with me or whatsoever?”

It’s not light thing, but he is speaking as if it’s nothing.

“Yes, Chanyeol. I understand the consequences. Don’t worry.” Baekhyun flashes him a small smile, one that Chanyeol himself can taste how bitter it is, but the other doesn’t seem to mind. Forget about acting in front of their parents, Baekhyun clearly is already acting in front of him.

“Okay, if you say so. We can make this work. It’s only for a year anyway.”

Baekhyun lets out the softest hum and Chanyeol thinks the sound feels like a silence rather than a noiseless reaction.

It’s a deal between them then.

 

\---

 

“Chanyeol, wait,”

He turns around at the call of his name, already expecting Baekhyun to step forward and to help him with his tie just like the usual. Nothing feels awkward anymore between them and if Chanyeol should be honest with himself, this simplicity between them is something that is very much welcomed.

After their deal six months ago, they made this weird but cozy atmosphere between them. Gone all the awkwardness between the two of them, now that is left is only a friendship and something more than just mere acquaintances relationship. 

Chanyeol doesn’t know what changed, but one thing that he is sure about is that he is okay with this. 

Sure, Baekhyun is showing affection but it’s only normal because they are married. Like, isn’t it weird if they don’t have any affection at all when they signed the marriage papers months ago? It’s only right if they try, and try they do. He admits that he doesn’t regret striking this deal of getting along with Baekhyun.

“There you go.” Baekhyun says, smiling up to him while caressing the slight crease on his tie knot. 

Chanyeol offers a small lopsided smile and curls one arm around Baekhyun’s back to pull him into one quick hug. “Thanks. I really should have learned how to properly do my ties, but if I learn, then you wouldn’t have the chance to help me with this any longer.”

The softest laugh escapes out of Baekhyun’s mouth. “True that, I wouldn’t be able to help you again so don’t even bother to learn about it.”

Chanyeol lifts his fingers up and lands a gentle, teasing flick across Baekhyun’s temple.

“Cheeky. I better get going now. Call me when you are done with your work, alright?”

Baekhyun smiles, nodding. “Sure. Make sure to finish the lunch. I don’t want to find any leftover again when I have to do the dishes, you hear me?”

“I can’t help it when I have quite the work loads. I have no time to enjoy my lunch-”

“Shut up and eat your damn food.” Baekhyun warns, squishing Chanyeol’s cheeks with his palms and cheekily grinning to him. Chanyeol rolls his eyes and wraps Baekhyun’s wrists with his hands, gently pulling them down from his face.

“I really should get going. I have a board meeting with the elders at nine.”

“Out you go then.” Baekhyun nods towards the direction of the door and Chanyeol clicks his tongue at him.

“Bye.” He steps forward and ruffles Baekhyun’s hair before quickly running away to escape Baekhyun’s wrath of ruining his hair. Chanyeol laughs while ignoring the sound of his husband’s whining, hastily starting the engine of his car before Baekhyun could even think of knocking on his window.

Life’s been doing pretty well lately and Chanyeol is actually content with this all.

 

Working hours end pretty quickly and Chanyeol, despite having exchange texts with Baekhyun for the whole day, can’t find it in himself to be patient enough from driving his car all over to the other’s building so he can pick him up. They promised to do groceries together and to prepare dinner together, because it’s Friday and that means they can sleep late without having to think about waking early tomorrow.

“Are you done?” Chanyeol speaks into the bluetooth earpiece as he starts his car.

Baekhyun hums. “Not quite done yet. I still have this one document that I need to review for quick.”

“Take your time. I will be trapped in the traffic anyway.” Chanyeol says back. Baekhyun hums, there are noises of papers at the background and Chanyeol can imagine how his husband will look when he is concentrating. There will be a frown on his forehead and his eyebrow will be furrowed up.

“Did you bring the groceries list?” Baekhyun asks for the third time today and Chanyeol lets out a low chuckle.

“Do you not believe me that much? I said I put it in my breast pocket, dummy.”

“Oh shut up. I just forgot, okay?” Baekhyun huffs in embarrassment, feeling bad for asking so many times when in reality he just forgets about it when he is concentrating.

“I get it,” Chanyeol laughs, “how about you finish your work so you can get out quickly?”

“You are right. I will see you soon. Drive safely, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun mutters.

“Okay. Bye.” He ends the call with a smile, already getting into the block of Baekhyun’s building.

 

Baekhyun’s not done yet with his work when Chanyeol arrives so he chooses to sit in the lobby while flipping through some business magazines, his leg crossed over another. He doesn’t see it when someone is coming closer to him but then when a tap is felt on his shoulder, he looks up and finds himself scrambling up back to his two feet.

“D-Dad,” he calls politely, bowing to Baekhyun’s father who is there tapping his shoulder.

“I don’t expect to find you lounging here. Are you waiting for Baekhyun?”

“Yes.” Chanyeol puts back the business magazine and reflexively tries to adjust any crease on his suit, just to make sure that he looks presentable. 

“You two are planning something after this?” The father asks again and for a second, Chanyeol curses the destiny for meeting Baekhyun’s father here because the old man might want to tag along when it’s actually their private time.

“I- yes, we are going shopping for groceries together.” He admits softly, crossing his fingers that the old man wouldn’t even think of joining them.

Baekhyun’s father smiles and nods. “Is that so? I hope you two enjoy your time. Ah, there Baekhyun is.”

Chanyeol immediately snaps his head back and finds his husband running in little steps to quickly come to him. A small smile unconsciously spreads all over his face when Baekhyun grins to him.

“Take care of my Baekhyun, Chanyeol. I trust you.” The father whispers lowly and Chanyeol might miss it if he doesn’t entirely pay that much attention. When he glances back to the old man, he just earns himself a fatherly smile.

“Dad!” Baekhyun greets his father, giving him a brief hug before not so subtly joining Chanyeol’s side. That move alone is enough to make Chanyeol happy.

“You are working so late. Don’t make Chanyeol wait for too long.” The old man pushes two fingers against Baekhyun’s temple, pushing his head back teasingly, and Baekhyun lets out the softest grunt at that. Chanyeol finds himself grinning at the sound.

The father and son share some more words before Chanyeol bows politely to the old man when he decides that it’s finally time to leave them alone. Baekhyun waves bye to his father before turning fully to him.

“So, let’s go?” Baekhyun offers him a smile that is so blinding and Chanyeol just instinctively holds an elbow out.

Baekhyun gazes down to it, silent for quite a few seconds and that’s enough to send Chanyeol to a frenzy of nervousness, but everything is washed away when Baekhyun ever so gently locks their elbows together.

With his head tilted a bit to the side, Baekhyun gives him an eye smile that has Chanyeol gaping like an idiot.

“Let’s go?”

Chanyeol practically drags Baekhyun all the way to his car.

 

Shopping for groceries is so successful. With their suit blazer taken off and left in the backseat, they walk all over the department store and just spend time arguing over the smallest things, but everything is so nice and Chanyeol wishes that this can happen for his daily life. He doesn’t know where that thought come from, but for now, he doesn’t want to think further into it.

The car is loaded with groceries when they were done, and they sing along to the songs playing from the radio while Chanyeol drives the two of them back home. He is quite hungry and he can’t wait for the special steak Baekhyun had promised to make for  him before.

It’s cozy. Their life these few months is so calm and cozy and Chanyeol wouldn’t want it any other way. He wakes up to the sound of Baekhyun singing off tune to purposely annoy him, getting various types of breakfast that would fatten him, and spending some days of his lunch break to video call with Baekhyun. It’s such a simple life and the old Chanyeol would be laughing if he was told that this would be his life.

With their ankles locked with one another under the dining table, Chanyeol feels his exhaustion slipping away while he listens to Baekhyun’s tinkling laughter upon sharing the stories during his day.

 

\---

 

“I can do it myself- Chanyeol!!” Baekhyun shrieks when there are hands gripping onto his hips, heaving him up so he can reach the top shelf in the kitchen.

Chanyeol is laughing loudly at the sound Baekhyun is letting out, too amused to even think that his arms are straining and his muscles are contracting, because Baekhyun is definitely not that light for a grown up man.

“I said I could do it myself! Now put me down!” Baekhyun hisses through his gritted teeth, hitting his hands repeatedly. Chanyeol obeys him immediately, returning Baekhyun back onto his footing and ignoring the fake angry huffs coming from the other.

“You would need to climb up on a chair. See? With my help, you got the bowl already.” He mutters, propping his chin on top of Baekhyun’s shoulder.

Baekhyun grunts, cannot admit that it’s actually true but he still gives him a jab on his shoulder coming from his sharp elbow that has Chanyeol doubling over in a choked noise.

“Shut up.” Baekhyun whines at him, getting embarrassed for being a short guy for his age.

Chanyeol regains himself back from the dull pain on his stomach, chuckling and cooing for his husband so that he would stop jutting his lips out like a duck.

“Are you angry? Aw, Baekhyun is being a duck again, hm?”

Baekhyun steps forward to step onto his foot, but Chanyeol is faster this time and moves his foot an inch away, using the opportunity and the proximity to pull Baekhyun into a hug. His husband stops moving altogether when he traps his with his gangly, long limbs.

“Got you.” Chanyeol mutters softly, cradling Baekhyun curved into his front. 

He feels Baekhyun relaxing against his hold, slumping into him and just letting him take over his weight. Chanyeol chuckles and dips his nose down to Baekhyun’s hair, giving an indirect kiss to the crown of his head.

“You should stop resisting every help I can give.” He says softly, giggling lowly when Baekhyun struggles to pull his hands free from how they are folded against Chanyeol’s torso.

“And you should stop repeating the fact that I’m kinda short.” Comes Baekhyun’s muffled answer that has Chanyeol laughing freely.

“Not my fault that you are so small and short- wait, wait, let me finish it!” He grunts when Baekhyun prepares to pinch his sides.

“What I was saying is that,” Chanyeol continues, curling himself more to the other, “you are so small and short and you are so cute.” He admits softly.

Baekhyun stiffens for a second in his hold, but then there are fingers pulling onto his ears and Chanyeol groans in pain. He feels how Baekhyun’s fingers are dragging his head away and then his gaze meets Baekhyun’s warning one.

“Don’t even try to sweet talk me. Tell me, what did you break this time?” Baekhyun frowns, his eyebrows meeting in the middle and his lips thinning even more.

Chanyeol grins when he feels the grips on his ears are loosening and he scoops the opportunity to just lean forward and place a chaste kiss on Baekhyun’s frowning temple.

“I broke nothing, baby.” He mutters against it, giving Baekhyun’s back a squeeze before deciding to run to his room before his husband could ever think of knocking his head with his knuckles.

“C-Come back here!!” Baekhyun shrieks, running after him and pounding onto the locked door of his room, much to Chanyeol’s amusement.

 

\---

 

“Hey, Chanyeol!” The editor from the other department joins him on his lunch table. 

“Yeah?” He asks absentmindedly, still typing a reply to Baekhyun who is nagging him to finish his damn lunch because as he said,  _ I’m not going to do the dishes full of abandoned food _ .

“There’s a party tonight. Wanna join us?”

Chanyeol blinks and blurts out an answer without really thinking. “Nope, thanks.”

“Aw, man. You are so boring. Marriage binding you down to one person only? You are no fun.”

The words just… hit him and Chanyeol shakes his head before he could think deeper into it.

“Nope, but I still won’t be coming. Thanks, but no thanks.” He says, finishing the last bite of his packed lunch and sending a text of  _ finished my lunch _ to his husband.

“Meep… The offer still stands if you are interested, Park. See ya around.”

Chanyeol tries not to pay that much attention to the offer and focuses on the three dots in the chat that shows him that Baekhyun is typing a reply to him. When the reply comes, he forgets everything and just smiles all the way back to his office, because Baekhyun replied him with a simple  _ good boy! _ and a small heart beside it.

 

“Is it boring?” Chanyeol asks, side eyeing his husband who is slumped on his shoulder, yawning widely like a kid.

“Kinda. Sorry, I’m just tired with work.” Baekhyun whispers softly, his pretty eyes blinking and trying to stay open.

“That’s alright. This show is just a rerun anyway.”

He switches the tv off and simply basks in the comfortable silence between them. Baekhyun is trying so hard to stay awake, his breathing slowly evens out and Chanyeol grins at how cute he looks.

“You wanna sleep?” He mutters softly, not wanting to jostle Baekhyun awake when he is already half asleep.

“Mmh.” Baekhyun hums, slumping even more. “Don’t… wanna move.”

Chanyeol maneuvers his arm and lets Baekhyun falls against his collarbone, letting him adjust to the most comfortable position that is possible. “Sleep here then.”

Baekhyun gives him one lazy smile and Chanyeol internally swoons at how cute his husband looks, like, he is an entire sleepy kitten.

Crossing his arms over Baekhyun’s back, Chanyeol watches the other’s face slowly relaxes and Baekhyun is drifting off to a deep sleep. He smiles like an idiot, watching the small frowns and the twitches of the other’s nose, while trying to not make any surprise move.

“...Thanks.” Baekhyun has whispered out so softly that Chanyeol can’t help himself from pressing a kiss to his husband’s forehead.

Something in him is pushing him to grab the opportunity and he just lands another kiss on Baekhyun’s soft cheek. His eyes linger on the pair of rosy lips, so thin and currently parted from how they are squished against his chest, soft breathing coming out evenly.

“You’re welcome, baby.” Chanyeol whispers, propping his chin on top of Baekhyun’s head and he just drifts off sleeping like this, with Baekhyun snoring in his arms, and without caring for the outside world.

 

\---

 

Chanyeol stops in his track to enter the company pantry room when he finds a friend of his from the same department is currently being occupied with… someone.

The friend and a woman from the other department a floor down stops eating each other’s mouth when they hear Chanyeol’s halted footsteps. 

“Hey, Chanyeol.”

He grins awkwardly, “Uh, sorry to interrupt but I just need a cup of coffee?” He ends his words with a tone of curiosity because he himself is not sure if he really needs coffee after this.

The woman steps back to check on her reflection and Chanyeol’s eyes catch the sight of a wedding ring on her finger. Even before he could think even further into it, the woman blows a kiss to his friend and walks out of the pantry room.

“She is married.” Chanyeol blurts out when the door closes back. All he gets from his friend is only an ignorant shrug.

“It didn’t stop her from having an interest on me.”

Chanyeol has so many things to say but he can’t even find a word out. 

“What’s the meaning of being married, Chanyeol? You surely would know, seeing that you are being so committed to your husband, like, you are so whipped.”

He wants to say  _ I’m not whipped for Baekhyun _ but he can’t even say it out, because a part of him is kinda agreeing to that statement.

“Huh? Cat got your tongue?” The guy says, stepping closer while throwing a mocking smile to Chanyeol who gets so silent by now, too busy fighting in his own head. He doesn’t know what or why he feels a bitter right now, but the feeling is just there and he doesn’t know how to chase it away.

An arm is thrown over his shoulder and Chanyeol hears the low whisper, “Join us again, Chanyeol. The club’s missing you. You wouldn’t possibly forget the rush of fun and adrenaline when you are in the dance floor, wouldn’t you?”

No, he doesn’t forget it. It was fun when he used to go to clubs to mingle with people.

“Or have you possibly forgotten about it? You are, what, married only for a year only maybe and you have already forgotten about all the fun parts?”

_ No, it’s not yet a year. Baekhyun promised me to get a divorce once a year is over- _

Now that is what he forgets.

“Hey, buddy? You doing fun? Or did I break you-”

“Shut the fuck up.” Chanyeol hisses through gritted teeth, pushing the other away from him.

His head is too full right now, having unnecessary thoughts flying all over.

A year.

That’s right.

How could he forget it?

 

His mood seems to dampen even more until the evening and it’s not something that will be easily missed, considering that Baekhyun is quite an observant person.

“Hey,” Baekhyun comes tapping his shoulder, “you okay? You don’t look fine.”

Chanyeol wants to avoid the hand settling gently on his shoulder but he can’t do it to Baekhyun. At least not when Baekhyun is trying to console him from whatever it is he is feeling.

“I… Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks.” He mutters slowly.

Baekhyun doesn’t seem to believe his words but decides to not push him to talk about it if he doesn’t want to. Chanyeol is kinda glad that his husband doesn’t force him to talk about whatever he is feeling right now.

It all comes back to be an awkward night, full of silent nods and with no words exchanged between them. Chanyeol feels bad for treating Baekhyun this way when it’s himself struggling with his own mind, but he prefers to not say anything to the other or he might even offend him or worse, hurt him with his words.

As Chanyeol lies awake at night in his bed, he stares up at the dark ceiling and ponders what goes so wrong in his life. And as he ponders over it, the first strike of thunder is heard. He sits up in an abrupt move, eyes glancing to the direction of his door and remembering about how Baekhyun doesn’t like thunders and loud rain.

It’s as if he is moving in instinct, Chanyeol climbs down from his bed and goes to knock onto Baekhyun’s door, but the noise is unheard of because the thunder roars again and then followed by the start of heavy rain.

“Baekhyun?” He decides to just open the door and step inside, sighing when he finds a bundle of balled covers on top of the bed. Baekhyun sticks his head out of the covers.

“Hey.” His voice is shaky and Chanyeol quickly comes closer, climbing up the other’s bed and joining him under the covers, as it’s the only way that Chanyeol can think of to console him.

“You alright?”

Baekhyun offers him a shaky smile and the thunder roars again, the lightning giving him a chance to see Baekhyun’s terrified face.

“Kinda… nope.”

Chanyeol curls an arm around him, pulling him close so he can keep gazes locked together.

“Focus on me, okay?” He whispers. Baekhyun nods and stares, he just stares while gripping onto the covers and Chanyeol feels so bad to see him like this. He wishes the rain would stop sooner.

“How was your day?” Chanyeol asks, finding it to be the best opportunity to distract Baekhyun from the world outside. 

Baekhyun gives him a small smile. “Bad. We had to redo the whole project because the budget was done wrong. It was supposed to start next week, but we had to postpone it until next month.”

Now, Chanyeol feels even worse to even ask that because that’s not a good thing to be a distraction.

“Sorry I asked.” He says, leaning forward to press a kiss on Baekhyun’s scrunching forehead, just at the time another thunder is heard. Baekhyun flinches from the sound, his fingers reaching forward to grip onto Chanyeol’s pajama top.

“That’s okay. You mean good so it’s alright, Chanyeol. What about you tell me how your day was?”

Chanyeol is silent for a moment, his lips lingering on Baekhyun’s temple as he thinks about how to answer Baekhyun’s question.

“It was… okay, I guess. Nothing out of ordinary.”

Lies, lies.

Baekhyun hums softly and Chanyeol leans back, pulling the covers higher up to their heads because the lightnings keep flashing and he doesn’t want those to scare Baekhyun even further.

“Don’t think about the thunder. Think about anything else. Focus on me,” he says, reaching to cover Baekhyun’s ears with his palms. His move alone is enough to shield Baekhyun away from the thunders and lightnings, as the other is found staring at Chanyeol without saying anything.

They stare at one another for the longest time, saying nothing but still keeping the silence as something that is so appreciated between them.

Baekhyun’s lips curl into a soft smile and then he whispers the softest, “Thank you, Chanyeol. For being here.”

Chanyeol feels his head spins because Baekhyun looks so pretty and cute like this despite him trembling  and his lips paling at the fear of thunders. And without thinking any further, because Chanyeol has lost any sense of logic in his brain, he leans forward to press their lips together in a kiss.

He half hopes that Baekhyun wouldn’t push him away, but at the same time he hopes that Baekhyun would stop him from this insanity.

Baekhyun doesn’t push him. Instead, he tilts his head up and relaxes against him.

Chanyeol kisses him deeper, keeping their lips touched for the rest of the night, serving as the perfect distraction from the storm outside, literally and figuratively.

 

\---

 

The first time Chanyeol does it, it’s out of curiosity.

He finishes his work in a flash, packing his things, and drives to the furthest club that he thinks no one he knows would be there.

It’s fun. The buzzing of the music and the alcohol in his system, everything is drowning him in euphoria and it’s a whole new world again for him.

This is what he used to do before all the marriage fiasco.

He promises that he will just visit the clubs once in a while, just to chase away his fatigue and to have fun. Maybe like, once in every three months?

 

The next time he does it, it’s from an offer from another coworker of his. Those who join this time are all married. Chanyeol stares at their fingers, catching the glint of wedding bands, put so innocently around their finger. Out of guilt, he hides his hand into his pocket, too afraid that someone might notice that he has his wedding ring on his finger.

By the end of the night, Chanyeol can’t help but to feel guilty, but the fun running through his system is too strong. 

 

The third time he does it, he takes off his wedding ring and puts it safely in his pocket.

He dances in the dance floor, moving along with everyone else, and stealing some touchy handful from men and women surrounding him. His adrenaline is rushing all over in his blood, making him heady but so excited with the thought of someone who might come and discover that he is doing this thing.

He puts his wedding ring back before he enters his home, finding that Baekhyun has already fallen asleep on the couch, and finding a worried text from his husband asking about his well being.

He doesn’t feel that big of guilt this time.

 

Chanyeol doesn’t count anymore. He doesn’t know when was the first time he started or when will be the last time he is doing it.

Marriage is troublesome. 

He forgets his wedding ring altogether, putting it somewhere that he doesn’t quite remember. He doesn’t really care actually.

He makes friends, lots of new friends. He makes women friends, dancing together in the dance floor, sometimes flirting around a bit too much for the people surrounding him but does he care? Nope, it’s his life so people shouldn’t give a fuck about it.

His life is back. This is what Chanyeol used to do when he was single.

_ When he was single. _

Funny, he almost forgets that he has a husband, waiting patiently back home. He almost forgets about every memory made before this, of the blossoming feelings-

_ Feelings? What feelings? _

Chanyeol lets out a low chuckle as he sips onto the alcohol, throwing one arm around the woman he barely knows settled tight against his side. 

_ Fuck feelings. I don’t have any feelings. This marriage is a fucking mess anyway. _

 

\---

 

“Where have you been?”

Chanyeol looks up from his shoes, trying to steady himself. 

Baekhyun is there, standing silently at the kitchen doorway, looking so small and fragile that the tiniest part in Chanyeol’s heart is aching.

“Why do you care?” He says in between a breathless laugh.

“I care for you, Chanyeol. If you have any problems, you can always tell me.”

Chanyeol laughs. He laughs, his head thrown back as he holds his stomach.

“Problems? There are two problems that I have right now. You wanna hear them?”

Baekhyun says nothing, but he continues anyway.

“One, this marriage. Two,” he pauses, looking straight at Baekhyun’s slumped figure, “ _ you _ .”

His poor excuse of a husband says nothing and Chanyeol steps closer to him, towering him with menacing stare.

“Do you have anything else to say? I need to go to sleep, I’m tired.”

Baekhyun looks up, his pretty eyes filled with unshed tears but his face remains stoic.

“What did I do wrong?” He whispers, his voice breaking in the middle. The whisper is barely heard but Chanyeol hears it just as loud as the sound of a thunder. Thunder, something that Baekhyun doesn’t exactly like. Funny, they fit the situation now.

“Don’t you think it’s too late for you to ask that right now?” He laughs, putting a hand down on Baekhyun’s trembling shoulder.

“Tell me, Chanyeol, so I can fix it.”

Chanyeol makes a face. “Fix it? Why don’t you try to fix this wholeass marriage? I’m tired of it.”

A hand grips onto the front of his jacket and Chanyeol gazes down to look at it, staring a little longer at the hand that he used to hold a while ago. 

“Why are you acting like this? We were fine, Chanyeol,” Baekhyun says, there is a shake in his voice.

Chanyeol gives him a mocking grin. “ _ We _ ? There is never  _ we _ , Baekhyun. Get that shit inside your head.”

He yanks Baekhyun’s hand away from his jacket, walking past him without saying anything else because his head is quite fuzzy from all the dancing and alcohol from earlier. He would like to sleep until morning and not be involved in this whole complicated trash.

“Oh.” He stops, suddenly being reminded of something very important. He spins on his heels, staring at Baekhyun’s slumped back and continuing to speak without really waiting for the other’s reaction.

“You promised me that this whole thing will only last for a year. Is our one year up already? I can’t wait to get out of this hell hole.”

Chanyeol sleeps the night with a frown on his face and a nagging feeling in his chest.

He doesn’t care though.

Why should he care anyway.

 

\---

 

“Good morning.” Baekhyun’s voice greets him and Chanyeol groans at the dull pain in his head. Why did he drink so much last night.

“Are you working today?” Baekhyun asks, brushing the hair out of his face.

Chanyeol opens his eyes in confusion, finding a smiling Baekhyun towering above him. Is he dreaming? If he can wake up to this kind of morning, he wouldn’t mind though-

“I have some painkillers and breakfast ready for you. Do you think you can go to work today?”

“I… yeah, I’m- I’m going to work.” Chanyeol says, blinking the sleep away and sitting up. 

Baekhyun smiles and leans forward, giving a chaste kiss on his head that Chanyeol is closing his eyes. He doesn’t know what he is doing, but he is going to savor the moment. There are fingers gently rubbing his scalp and then Baekhyun leans back. 

“I have to go to work early today. Make sure you finish your breakfast, okay? Oh, I have packed your lunch too. I saw on your calendar that today’s supposed to be a board meeting? You should hurry before you get late, alright?”

Chanyeol dumbly nods his head. Baekhyun caresses his head and then leaves his room.

_ What?  _

 

True enough, there is a perfectly set breakfast portion on the table, alongside with a neatly packed lunchbox. Chanyeol stares at the meal with his head spinning in confusion. Not that he minds though, but… what is going on here? Is he dreaming?

He has his best working suit prepared and there is a brand new necktie beside it. He guesses Baekhyun prepared all these before waking him up. Weird, but he really shouldn’t care for trivial things.

Chanyeol goes to work with a heavy heart and a whole confused feeling.

 

For once after such a long time, Chanyeol goes straight home after work hours ended. He doesn’t know why, but his gut feeling is telling him to just  _ do it _ .

The house is dark when he parks his car. There is no telltale of life there and a shiver runs down his whole body.

Chanyeol unlocks the door with his key, the cute keychain Baekhyun got him months ago dangling under his hand. As he pushes the door open, he is greeted with silence; something that he never got in this house.

He doesn’t know why but he hates this feeling; coming back to an empty house.

“Baekhyun?” He calls out, the name sounding so foreign coming out of his mouth. There are no shoes put neatly beside the doormat. There is no smell of something cooking in the air. There is no sound of buzzing washing machine somewhere.

There is literally no Baekhyun in the house.

There are, indeed, papers in the coffee table.

 

There is no letter or note.

There are only papers, with confusing longs words and some laws that drive Chanyeol insane,

And there are two spots at the bottom of the last paper.

One empty.

And one signed. By Baekhyun.

 

“What is this?” Chanyeol asks into the phone, his hands trembling as he clutches onto the papers.

Baekhyun says nothing from the other line, only his shallow breathing that is heard.

“We are getting divorced, Chanyeol. You are getting your freedom back. Our one year is finally up.”

Chanyeol reaches to rub his face with one hand, those papers be damned on the floor.

“This easy?” He finds himself asking.

Baekhyun sighs shakily, he can hear it.

“We- I mean, you, you can finally stop pretending, Chanyeol. You wanted this to end and now you get it. I… I had my sign there so you can put yours too.”

Chanyeol doesn’t know what, what is going on, what is it that he is feeling, what are those papers, what the fuck is happening right now, what and why, why is he feeling so heavy, why can’t he accept this decision, what- why- why is he-

“Thanks for being there when you were there, Chanyeol. I really appreciated the time that we spent together.”

“Baekhyun,”

“I- thank you, Chanyeol. For everything.”

“Baekhyun- wait-”

“Farewell, Chanyeol. Be happy, okay? Promise me.”

The call ends before Chanyeol can utter another word. The papers are heavy, his heart is heavy.

This whole decision is so painful.

And he was the one wishing it all from the very beginning.

There is none of Baekhyun’s fault.

He should be blaming Baekhyun, but Chanyeol can’t blame no one other than he himself.

He should be happy, but he doesn’t feel the slightest of happiness at all.

 

\---

 

_ “Chanyeol? Won’t you wake up?” _

The voice is so oddly familiar and Chanyeol grunts in his sleep, his whole face frowning in discomfort. Something is holding him back from waking up, it feels like something so heavy. Maybe exhaustion.

He feels a kiss on his head and his frown disappears all so suddenly.

Chanyeol opens his eyes from his fitful slumber, finding Baekhyun standing there, hovering on top of him with the brightest smile on his face.

_ “Finally waking up? I almost thought that I would have to kiss your lips to wake you up.” _

A smile curls on the corner of his lips and Chanyeol lifts his hands up to hold onto his husband, maybe pulling him down for a hug, or better, a proper kiss.

He touches nothing and Baekhyun instantly disappears from his sight.

It’s an illusion, he is imagining things.

And it makes him feels so pathetic, imagining Baekhyun to be there when in fact, silence and nothingness greets him like an old friend.

Chanyeol doesn’t know how to handle this. He can hear Baekhyun’s voice here and there, catching the snippets of old memories in every corner of the house, and getting goosebumps when he can still hear the tinkling laughter.

He might not want to admit it, but he misses Baekhyun so badly that he started imagining that the other is still there sleeping beside him every night.

The cold bed greets him.

 

\---

 

Nothing feels emptier than this feeling.

Chanyeol sits all by himself on the couch, feeling so empty and so heavy at the same time.

Baekhyun had left the house with all his belongings the same day he gave the divorce papers. It felt like he had already prepared everything. He woke Chanyeol up with so much affection, treating it as the last time he would be able to do it.

Thinking about it, Chanyeol can’t help but feel… sad. This whole thing was something that they could have avoided, but they let themselves drowned into this whole mess, and gotten hurt by it by the end of it.

If they would have known that they would end this way, they wouldn’t want to be dragged into all this mess.

Chanyeol wouldn’t want to hurt Baekhyun this way. He wouldn’t want to hurt Baekhyun at all. Hurting Baekhyun was the last thing he would do, but he still did anyway. Baekhyun didn’t deserve to be treated like shit when all he had done was to be so kind to Chanyeol.

Even though it was only for a short year, Chanyeol could feel it. He could feel what Baekhyun was trying so hard to tell him, to show him, to talk to him through all of those silent gestures, but he still chose to be blind and stupid by ignoring all of those attempts. If only he was not stupid, they would have their happy ending, completely disregarding the promise from the beginning.

Baekhyun was trying, but Chanyeol chose to not do the same even though he had the chances.

It is only fair that he is feeling so much pain now, silently crying over the lost of someone he had once treasured the most, but never got the chance to say the words.

It’s painful but Chanyeol knows he deserves this. He deserves this after all the troubles he had caused for Baekhyun.

He keeps asking himself; if he has another chance, will he take it? Will he try to be better and will he try to make it up for Baekhyun?

He will, but that’s only ‘ _ if _ ’.

Only the continuous ifs and none of it would happen, because Baekhyun is happy.

Baekhyun is happy, showing the most beautiful smile Chanyeol has ever since after they separated ways a year ago. Baekhyun is happy, holding hand with someone who is certainly not Chanyeol. Baekhyun is happy, finding the love he truly deserves and that’s certainly not Chanyeol.

The smile, that beautiful smile drops off of Baekhyun’s face when the owner’s gaze lands onto a stoned Chanyeol across the street, looking so miserable and pitiful.

Once again, Chanyeol becomes the reason to stop Baekhyun from smiling.

He wishes to keep his eyes on Baekhyun, but if he is the reason of why Baekhyun feels such pain, then he would rather to disappear from Baekhyun’s life. Because really, after all he had done to hurt Baekhyun, he only wants to give him happiness that he should have gotten since a long time ago.

Chanyeol takes a step back, one, two, three, until he is running away. Because his mere presence is enough to sadden Baekhyun and he doesn’t want that.

 

\---

 

The next time he meets Baekhyun might be the last time he would be able to do so.

Chanyeol lifts a hand to knock on the door, feeling nervous and full of anxiety.

Baekhyun looks so perfect there, standing in front of the mirror and wearing the happiest smile ever.

“Hey.” Baekhyun greets him softly, looks surprised to even find him here. Chanyeol gives him his best smile, knowing that he looks pitiful anyway.

“Hey… Baekhyun. Sorry for coming but I just- I just want to see you. For the last time.”

Something indescribable flashes in Baekhyun’s eyes but he covers it up with a shake of his head.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m actually glad that you decided to come. I have… some things to tell you.”

Chanyeol feels so nervous, unable to believe that Baekhyun is standing in front of his right now. He wants to reach for him, to hold him close, to hold his hands, to kiss him, to tell him that-

“I hope you don’t blame yourself for everything, Chanyeol.” Baekhyun says softly, looking up to him, “Because it was not entirely your fault. Part of it was mine too.”

_ No, nothing was your fault. _ Chanyeol wants to say, but he can’t find it in himself to say it.

“Whatever bad feelings you have until now, erase them all, Chanyeol. Please don’t blame yourself about this because I don’t blame you. I have never blamed you.”

Chanyeol takes a deep breath and decides to step closer, trying his luck. Baekhyun stands there, looking up at him with a tiny sad smile gracing his lips.

“I want you to be happy.” Baekhyun says firmly.

“Are you?” Chanyeol finds himself asking, in which he earns the biggest smile from Baekhyun.

“I am.”

Destiny has brought them here to this point, playing with them in this twisted life. Baekhyun has told him he doesn’t blame him and that he is happy.

Chanyeol silently reaches for Baekhyun’s gloved hand, feeling the comforting warmth for the last time.

“Thank you for coming to my life.” That’s the only thing he can say. He doesn’t have the right to say anything more than this.

Baekhyun smiles to him, strained and painful but still at the same time so beautiful.

“Thank you too, for being there for me, Chanyeol.”

Baekhyun has decided to draw the line between them, silently giving him the message that there will be no second chance for them. Certainly never.

So Chanyeol lets his hand go,

And he takes a step back.

“Happy wedding, Baekhyun. Please be the happiest man alive today.”

Baekhyun smiles at him, all warm yet heavy.

“I am. Thank you. Chanyeol.”

Chanyeol gives him the last shaky smile and then he takes more steps back, finally leaving Baekhyun’s life and also leaving a part of his heart with him.

There are certain things that he would to say to Baekhyun, but those things are better to be kept as secrets.

Baekhyun is finally happy,

And it’s not because of him.


End file.
